July 16th 197-365

Day 197 of [link]

Ever since I was a little girl all I wanted a dog whose world revolved around me. I wanted a dog who would die to protect me and I had that in Shadow.

I remember when we first brought him home and we couldn't think of a name for him so we nicknamed him "puppy" a nickname that stuck until he died. In those first few days, we noticed he would not stop following me around.

On the driveway I was running around watching him try to keep up with me and then, like an epiphany he had a name.

He truly lived up to his name, a few weeks later after I left for class, he escaped from the yard, my husband found him at the bus stop, he was trying to track my scent and was confused why it abruptly ended.

We spent last night watching "All Dogs Go To Heaven", my husband said it was probably not a good idea but I needed to get a lot of crying done so I wouldn't look stupid at work today. I bawled my eyes out and we had to turn it off.

It seems as though the pain gets worse with each day. Probably because the shock of seeing him die the way he did has worn off and the grieving has really kicked in.

I can't bear how empty my house is. We keep smelling his collar but his smell has been replaced by the clinical smell of vet.

Every so often a breeze fragranced of his scent hits me suddenly in the face and I know it's him.

People may think 'It's just a dog'. But, to have never known the love of a German Shepherd is to not know love at all and you wouldn't understand my complete sense of loss and grief.

[We no longer live at that address so I'm not bothered about editing it out, my name instead of his is on the other side and it's always wise never to advertise your dogs' name on his collar]